I fucked a dragon
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So today is coming out day and honestly I made this blog last year, which got me wondering if there's anything I can say that I haven't already said before. I've made blog covering pretty much everything about me. Everything from my username change, believes, the fact that I am not actually a dog, etc. It's kind of hard to bring something new to the table every year. So I guess I could talk about what it's been like since I've been out and give some actual progress, that will be interesting.
I've been out since 2013ish and publicly out since July 9th 2014. Since then I've changed my name, not completely legally yet though, I've been working on a last name before changing it because I don't like my family name. So I really just wanted a last name that I was going to keep, which I am still debating on like 3 of them. But I am hoping to have that changed within the foreseeable future. I've also been working on getting myself setup with a theropist and getting my insurance to cover it or at least offset some of the cost. I do have one in mind that apparently charges only 60$ an appointment, so I most likely won't even need to clear her through my insurance and can just pay for those appointments myself. That out of the way, it shouldn't be too much to get my insurance to pay for the rest of it. I already know that they will if I basically set everything up for them and they simply just pay for it all. I am hoping to get this done without a year or two, my money is finally getting itself in order for me to work on this.
I don't really know if there's much I can say honestly. Being out hasn't changed my life too drastically, outside of getting my out of stressful part of my life. I am not really dealing with nearly as bad of depression, I don't feel nearly as stressed and pressured as I was before coming out. Most of the changes were emotional and some physical changes here and there. But it's not like my life changed too much beyond simply being a bit happier with myself. I still have a lot of work to do, but at least I made it to that point where I can start working towards my goals.
I might just make every Coming out day a progress report. I think that will be fun for those who've been following along with my blogs. And of course, here's your picture of Lilith
This was the second commission of Lilith ever made. I told the artist to just do whatever she wanted and gave her complete creative control over the design. She's actually one of the first artists to help establish several small details of Lilith, that later became part of main character.
I've been meaning to make this blog for quite some time now, but was actually not sure if I wanted to poke this bear. But at the same time this scene has a lot of issues that need to be talked about, again. I won't go into the social details, but instead touch on very specific examples that need to be addressed in regards to the current 3DS CFW scene. With that said, I am pretty sure a lot of people won't like what I have to say.
1: Luma3DS does not have to be the only CFW in the scene nor should everyone be forced into using it. There is no such thing as a "one glove fits all." Not everyone is going to like the same thing and no one is entitled to know why they don't like that thing. User should not be discouraged from venturing into other active projects to see if they enjoy what that project has to offer. Devs should not have their work discouraged because, "We already have Luma, we don't need another CFW." Yes, we do need more CFWs, we do need to allow people to have a choice in the matter. Forcing everyone to use the same setup only creates resentment and thus far that has only pushed devs away from the scene. The scene was not always "Just use this," in fact every project used to have their own userbase and rarely ever did you see them bicker like we do now. I touched on this change before and sadly it's gotten worse as more devs left our site.
2: Disliking/not using Luma3DS is not an attack on the project, team, nor the userbase. This has made it impossible to express any opinion towards Luma3DS that might be taken as something negative or even talk about other CFWs. Users have taken to the idea that if someone doesn't use or doesn't want to use Luma3DS, then they hate the project. This has resulted in users just not even talking anymore about other projects because they don't want to deal with the community. It's not uncommon to see entire sections nuked from threads because users treat non-Luma conversations as a threat towards Luma. People, Luma has already won, you guys don't have to defend it. No one is competing with Luma3DS and no one wants to compete with it. Please give people some actual respect and realize that not everyone wants to the same thing as you do. Trust me, they know all the Luma features, they know all this and that, that doesn't mean they have to want to use Luma.
3: Gateway 3DS is not an active project, I don't say this because I hate you, the cart, or anything else. I say this because the team hasn't been updating it, hasn't made it work with B9S, and simply hasn't given an actual update to the userbase. I know the .3DS loader is cool and I know the cheats are amazing, but it's just not fair to see users stuck with this kind of treatment. Users are concerned for Gateway users and simply want to get them to a better setup. I know sometimes these turn into personal attacks and that's not fair either. With that said, just realize that people are just trying to help. This is an issue where we really just need to find a better alternative or work together to make an alternative. I just want to help people who are starting to struggle with a dying cart. I am actually sorry if I come off as rude and I don't mean to be. I am like a mother bear who saw something bothering her cub. I just want it away from my cub at any cost.
4: Please don't cling to out of date setups. So this is something I had to think about because I honestly prefer and kind of have to live on the edge. To be frank, there's simply no reason to cling to an outdated setup. I know in the past upgrading to something like A9LH had risks and setting up CFW(s) had an underlining risk, but that's not the same anymore. You aren't losing anything by upgrading, while at the same time gaining the knowledge that your system is future-proof. Regardless of how you feel about this, everything is or has dropped support for previous entrypoints. This means everyone using those older tools are growing more and more out of date. This is a hassle not only for the user, but anyone who has to help them if something happens.
I can understand a lot of the reasons, it's not like I am above understanding them. But staying out of date for the sake of staying out date simply doesn't help anyone. You honestly never know what the next OFW update will bring. Trust me, I remember when 11.4 hit and it even wrecked Luma3DS (by accident too.) This could easily happen with 11.7 or whatever Nintendo pushes out when they do the next OFW update. It's better to be prepared now, then wait until you boot to a black screen and you are forced to upgrade. At the same time, it's still your choice on this one.
5: Personal issues should remain personal. There's no reason to drag it onto the forums. Trust me, I know some people can be complete dicks and a lot of horrible things go down, but please don't make this an issue for the users. I know it sucks to say this and I've been guilty of this in the past, but I realized that it didn't help anyone by doing so. Instead it only served to split the community and bring something personal to a public playing field. If this issue is something serious, take the steps to fixing it. Report these issues, block these people, hell block any method they may have to getting at you. You are not obligated to entertain anyone. Trust me, I know this shit sucks, but giving in only makes it worse. I hate saying this because I feel like people should be allowed to talk about their problems, but I've seen what comes of it. Of course this doesn't mean I am discouraging privately bringing up these issues. Talk to someone you trust, get some advice, and do something to better yourself in this situation.
6: Just be good to each other. I know this community and I've been here for over 8 years now, I know we can do better than this. I love you guys and I love the people I work with on regular basis, but what I am seeing pains me. I know we can do better because we were better than this. We used to have thriving projects and we used to enjoy helping each other. We don't have to keep going down this road, because it's not healthy. I didn't make this blog because I am angry with the community, I made it because I care enough to address these issues. I've been watching the scene progressively get worse and there's some point where I though it would be a wake up call, but they were almost completely unnoticed. We as a community can work together because in the end we are all here for the same thing, we simply just find different ways to go about it. Which is ok to have those different ways.
As many know, I was playing with Void Linux and first impressions were quite nice. Unfortunately first impressions are never the best impression to judge anything with and further work started to shows a lot of issues. One of my biggest issues was installing packages straight from the repo and having them install completely broken. At first I thought I was doing something wrong, so i kept working until I finally looked up the issue. Some like filezilla had been broken since last year and I found someone reported the same error I was getting. They did suggest fix that worked, but it's fact that it's still broken and in the main repos. Then several other packages were the same way, with suggestions to fix them, but still broken in repo. This shows a very serious lack of care when it comes to quality of the packages. This was my biggest issue because I really don't install packages from the repo to maintain them myself. If I wanted to repair packages myself, I would install it from source.
My other issue is Void Linux has a complete lack of structure compared to other distros. I understand that it's maintained by volunteers, but that's honestly the biggest problem behind it. The people maintaining the packages are just volunteers and it shows through the lack of structure and poor maintenance for the packages. There also doesn't seem to really be a goal for this distro, it just feels thrown together and very loosely made. It reminds me a lot of the early days of Linux when distros felt less like an OS and more like loosely stitched a pile of programs just kind of working. It's almost like the people making it really don't care about how it turns out, so long as it runs. Which to some is fine, but to me doesn't sit well. Half the reason I love Solus (for example) so much is because the devs care about their work and care about everything that goes into the distro. Running Solus, you can tell everything program was tested and everything was properly tweaked with a lot love and care. You can also tell there are clear goals and a structure for the entire distro/community. This is something just felt absent when dealing with Void Linux, it was almost like I was working a void really.
I do have a lot of positives things to say about Void Linux. It's a rock solid distro and hands down the best systemd-free distro out there when comparing to the others. Void Linux has to the fastest booting OS I have ever used, clocking in at about 45 seconds from power to desktop on my crappy Acer C7 chromebook. XBPS is an extremely fast package manager and most packages only took a few seconds to install, so there really wasn't much wait for installing my programs (even if several of them ended up broken.) Void reminds me greatly of PacBSD and that's a good thing because I love PacBSD. Although it wasn't as good as PacBSD, it's the fact that it reminded me of it that is enough to warrant a praise. Runit is an amazing init system and I wish more distros would adopt it over systemd. That all being said, those really weren't enough for me to want to keep using Void Linux.
Void Linux is a promising distro and I hope they actually get their act together. There's a lot of potential and Void is easily the best systemd-free distro, but the glaring flaws with the repos and lack of a proper team is something that can't be ignored. These need to be fixed and I hope someone fixes them or we start seeing more Void Based distros. I won't doubt that there is someone(or a team) who could easily make a "Manjaro" style distro out of Void and start properly maintaining the packages. Void could easily be something great with some actual focus. But for now, it's back to Solus I go since I was able to figure out how to get Solus working properly on this C7 Chromebook.
Here's my current desktop
I don't have any new pictures of Lilith herself, but I do have a piece that is going to be used a template for future commissions. So my boyfriend actually created a Pokemon D&D that we play with our friends. The one who drew my avatar actually drew my character in our current campaign. She is actually Lilith as a teenage Pokemon trainer
So still basically the same Lilith Valentine, just human and a teen. Outfit will be later used for future commissions of Lilith.
I am making this blog early because I can and because there's a lot to really recap. I will be bouncing around a bit with some brief history and explaining the previous year.
When I joined the Temp 8 years ago, I didn't not think I would make to 8 years. In fact I joined with a throwaway account, using a throwaway name, and even an old email that I barely used. I had no intentions of staying, but I wanted my AP patches and one day I was forced to join. And honestly, I am extremely happy that I did join and that I did end up keeping this account. Even though so much has changed and the community has changed, the Temp spirit has always remained the same.
I never actually set out to be who I am now nor did I set out to be one of the most famous members on this site. I simply wanted a few AP patches and wanted to leave. Never once would I think that I would be helping the community, testing applications, and sharing a vast amount of knowledge with you guys. It's honestly amazing to think that a few good members back in the day helped push me to learn more and share more and that several others like Costello helped me with real life issues. This site has been a real part of my life for the better part of 8 years and I've met so many amazing people through this site. I know I had a rough 2017, but I am happy y'all stuck through it with me and put up with me. I am also happy that I did come back to my real home here on the Temp.
It's interesting to think that in 8 years I went from, "Where is my AP patch!" To working along side members in the M3 forums helping others out. I went on, helped in several other sections and even helped test out homebrews from several devs. I slowly became a regular and people started seeing me as a helpful member on the site, it was quite nice really.
When the 3DS scene came about, I didn't have a hacked 3DS and just kind of lingered around the site. I answered questions that I could help with did my own thing the background. To be honest, I wasn't even sure I would even understand the 3DS homebrew scene at the time. It seemed extremely complicated to me and terms like "CFWs" and "emuNANDs" all seemed over my head. Luckily the community helped point me in the right direction and I quickly picked up the knowledge that I needed. From there I made it my goal to be even more involved in the 3DS scene than I was in the DS days. I quickly started making guides, helping members, and even helping devs with testing their work. I basically dove into the deep end and ended up swimming. I think the rest is really history, everyone knows who I am and what I do. I am Lilith and I am here to help.
After 8 years, I can't believe I still working so hard to for this site. I can't actually thank this community enough for the what so many have done to help me get to where I am now. From members stepping in to make sure I was ok, to others listening to me as I struggled to find myself, and even Costello giving me a chance to make a better life. This site has been an experience for me that I can never replace. No matter what happens or what has happened, I love this site site and the community. It's been more than just a website for me, it's been a second home that I know I am always welcome to stay for however long I want.
As per my randomly started thing, here's a new picture of Lilith! This one brought you by our one and only @Bubsy Bobcat!
I honestly not only love Bub's art style, but I love the direction she brought Lilith in. She's been one of the biggest contributors to Lilith's character and I love that about her. One of the biggest changes she's done was add some meat to Lilith and give her a much chubbier look. Which I actually really feels fits her more. Lilith was always suppose to be warm and cuddly and making her thicker really gives her that cute cuddly look. She looks more natural and healthy, which makes me smile seeing her like that. And it seems a lot of my fans on other sites enjoy this change as well. So i am going to give a lot love to Bubs for making Lilith so much better! Also a lot of love to the Temp for allowing me to meet members like Bubs! If not for the Temp, Lilith would most likely not even exist! Y'all super important to me and I love you guys!
So I am not sure if anyone has noticed, but I haven't been as active and I've been extremely inactive in the 3DS scene and might be wondering what's up? Well I'll tell you what's up!
First of all, my GPU broke in my main laptop. I woke up to this last week
My laptop starting doing that one evening and as the night went on it got progressively worse until it started happening every 20 minutes. So I had to take the laptop apart and take out all the salvageable parts. Why you may ask? Because my warranty had expired on that very same day and I had basically voided the warranty already by taking it apart previously to clean it. So it wasn't worth pressing the issue to pay for something that was most likely going to cost the same amount as just a new computer.
What options did I have? Well I have an iPhone, RPi2, and my Chromebook, so I went with the latter. My chromebook was already hacked previously running the Coreboot SeaBIOs, which meant I could install any OS on it like any other laptop. So I tested out a few different distros and most of them ran like shit, sadly so did Solus. Solus lagged and suffered several graphical glitches regardless of what DE I ran. So I took up the option to distro hop again and tested out some previous distros I used before. Some of them ran better, but it wasn't really enjoyable for me. Most likely because I used them before and it wasn't fun to do it again. So I decided to challenge myself with trying out some systemd-free distros. Long story short, most of them sucked.
Artix Linux: Wouldn't work with my wireless card and I hate LXQt. I know I could have done more with it, but it not working with my wireless card out of the box made me far more concerned about anything else that was broken. So I gave it a pass since it's not really a "mature" distro and I will check it out later when it has more time to mature.
Longer reason? I don't like Slackware. I've tried it multiple times and just didn't enjoy it.
Devuan: Devuan disappointed me before it was released. Why? Because they knew it was going to take forever to make, but they forked from Debian 8 instead of Debian Testing. This was a horrible move right of the gate as it set them behind when competing with Debian. So now they have Devuan 1.0, which was released only a few days before Debian 9, meaning it was out of date right off the bat. That was stupid move and the worst way to complete with Debian. Of course I could upgrade to their testing/unstable build, which is what I did. To which I found several packages had to be held behind due to systemd requirements. This did not set well with me because it became too obvious that they are too focused on working downstream from Debian to look ahead. Choices like these make me worry about the future of this project and I don't want to be invested in another failing distro. I will never forget my two true loves, OpenGEU and Fuduntu.
There are other ones, but most wouldn't boot on this Chromebook. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Finally I got the suggestion, "Just use Void" to which I did and I am running now. Void Linux is actually quite impressive as it's not suffering a lot issues as the previous distros. The software is up to date (and rolling,) and it works just fine with my hardware. It's actually the fastest distro I've run on this chromebook and coupled with the fact that it doesn't suffer from any lag or graphical issues. So it seems that Void Linux is what I am going to running on this from now on and this chromebook be my daily driver.
What's the latter part though? I also use my iPhone to get online more I used to because I started to get to being on the Temp with it. I don't make the long messages like I used to, but it's enough to keep me informed and make a few comments here and there or at least let me know when I bring out the old Chromebook to make a comment. The RPi2 will also be seeing some new life once I get another microSD card for it. I gave my last one away to my friend as a gift, but once I get another one I will use that as another means of getting online.
The other reason I haven't been online much is because I am dealing with some personal issues and stress. My rent was increased this year because the company who bought out my apartment complex are pieces of shit. They want to charge over a grand for a 3 bedroom in a crappy location and used to only cost little over 700$. So they've been slowly increasing everyone's rent to make them move out and overcharge people as they move in. This of course has put of stress on my boyfriends and I as we are now paying over 800$ for what used to a 720$ apartment. We currently don't have a car to move out of the place and we are mostly staying here because it is literally right behind my work. So I am in a bit of a hard spot dealing with both the lose of my main laptop and paying more for this apartment. I don't want to be online blowing off steam on you guys, it's not fair for me to do that and it's not fun for you guys either. So I've opted to only come on when I am feeling up to it. I've also opted to step back and rethink a lot of issues because I have been blowing off a lot of steam here. It wasn't mature nor right of me to do that to you guys. So I've stepped back a bit from the scene and I only want to step in when I know I can make a solid post that helpful, informative, and not been posted 6 times before I entered that thread. This seems to be working out best for everyone.
So what am I doing with this downtime? Setting up Void Linux to my liking of course!
And I've been playing some Dragon Quest Monsters on my 3DS in the background. I don't really have much when it comes down to being productive, I work nights so I sleep all day. Times when I am not sleeping I tend to be tinkering on a project, online, and or playing a game. If am not doing those, I am doing things with my boyfriends and or friends of mine. I live a normal boring life really, which is fine by me.
So it seems to be a thing now where I end these with the latest commission of Lilith, so keeping up with that
An artist just getting in furry art was offering free commission a few months back and just a few days ago sent me the piece he had made I think she came out adorable!
I know this is a bit late, but whateves
This might come as shock to people, but I had nothing to do with NTRBoot and I wasn't involved in any of the testing phases for it. Nor did I ever claim to be involved because that would have been extremely stupid to do so. I know I have a reputation of testing everything in private, but I am also extremely open with my involvement the second something in released.
I would like to make a few things clear
1: Please don't assume I am involved in any project if I or someone else involved didn't publicly say so. It puts me in this extremely awkward situation that unconformable for everyone and often just ends up looking rather silly to say the least. It also ends up with me getting tons of notification and sometimes PM's asking for help, when I am actually trying to catch up like everyone else.
2: For projects I've previously worked with, please don't spam me with questions regarding said project(s.) I am more than willing to help, but please don't spam me. Trust me, I've most likely seen your comment and I am either looking into the issue or I noticed someone else has already stepped in. Nonetheless I am just an independent tester, I do not hover around one project.
3: I do not represent any project I've helped test. I do help with answering questions and other bits of troubleshooting. But my involvement with any project is ultimately looking for bugs, troubleshooting, and giving suggestions. I am do not consider myself an "official" member of any of the current teams in the scene. My involvement is purely based on giving a team a knowledge and trusted tester.
4: Please don't ask me if I am involved with a private project or who I am working with. If the project is private, then I will ensure you that my involvement is private as well. There is a level of trust involved when you give someone your project to test and I won't violate that trust.
5: To those who tagged me in regards to NTRBoot, I actually turned off notifications from being tagged. I kept getting tagged in like 3 threads when it was released and it was getting out of hand. Like I said before, I wasn't involved so tagging me wasn't helpful for anyone.
6: Yes NTRBoot introduced some applications that might be useful for me to check out, but that would have been a very deep rabbit hole if I had started looking into it. Which is actually why I didn't start any new research regarding these applications. I didn't want to spend another vacations researching and testing, like I spent the two before this one. They weren't fun and I ended up going back to work with unfinished projects. I didn't want to repeat that again.
7: My flashcart research is 90% speculation and needs a lot of work before I can confirm anything. There's a ton of unanswered questions that I simply don't have the tools or knowledge to answer. It's also not part of NTRBoot and never was part of NTRBoot. Everything that was found in this research was found independent from the NTRBoot project.
8: I have no connections to the Supercard forums admin nor any connections to the Supercard Team. I am not sure why several people thought I did and it was really odd getting messages asking me to contact them. Not to mention these messages were in regards to contacting them with NTRBoot, a project I had no involvement with. It was only a few people who brought this up to me, but I still wanted to nip it in the bud.
9: Yes I will test your project. Seriously, just PM me and chances are that I will more than willingly take a look at whatever you are offering. I do not discriminate when it comes to testing and I have plenty of systems just laying around ready to be abused.
10: My vacation was actually quite nice. I step away from my research and a few projects I was working on to take time to relax. I spent most of my time playing my 3DS for once, I was playing Pokemon Emerald and DQM: Terry's Wonderland 3D on it. I also spent the other bit of my time with my boyfriends and my friends just kind of hanging out and enjoying life. It was quite pleasant not being so involved in the community and stepping back from the old grindstone. I actually felt rather relaxed and wasn't overwhelmed with stress. I had actually gotten used to working so much that I had almost forgotten what it's like to step back and enjoy life. So it was a nice two weeks for me and I am glad I actually enjoyed those two weeks, It's going to be nice going back to work feeling refreshed over being stressed out.
I don't know how to end this blog, so here's the most recent commission of Lilith. The original commission was started by an IRL friend of mine and then finished/touched up by @VinsCool
So those following my blogs, they may have noticed that I haven't been having a fun time with my life. So recently I've been taking steps to treat the wounds that have been open for far too long. Everything from the little details to issues that are years old now and should have been taken care of then. I don't want to get into the bigger issues because honestly they are just a bit much and I need to work on those at my own speed. Making them public only adds urgency to them, which isn't best for me or even for everyone in my life (this including the Temp.)
So few minor changes, obvious one being the one I made more than enough blog posts about. It's still one of those things though that cut the personal aspects out of my online life. Which also leads into the other changes I did, I turned off the notifications from tapatalk to my phone. I don't think people realize, but it's not uncommon for me to get well over 50 to 60 notifications within a day (sometimes more.) It's not that they are a bad thing, but having them all spam my phone made this place feel more like a job than something I did on my off time. It took something I used to walkaway from and made nonstop in my pocket. I was humorously considering setting up a patreon and being like,
Of course such an idea wouldn't fly, I mean what would I give for prizes? I guess I could spend a week praising a random project or something. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
All joking aside, it wasn't fun and I didn't like it anymore. It went from goofing off to work and I don't like work. So got rid of that part of my life. Then I followed it up by basically disabling all, but two services from notifying me, why? They aren't as active and made it easier to filter out the important stuff.
I know I could have stopped carrying my phone so much, but I work nights and walk to work, my launch, etc. So I kind of need my phone for both a light source (if needed) and in case of emergency. It's also my entertainment while on break, so that's important too.
The next thing I did was step back from testing. I doubt anyone outside of the devs I work with know this, but I've been nonstop testing projects for over 4 months now. Like I have taken very little breaks between projects. Which it's really nobody's fault on this one, there's been a lot going on these past 4 months. We've had 3 firmware updates, B9S launched, projects updating features, etc. So as soon as one thing was settled, something else came up, and it was back to work. I know damn well the devs are also extremely tired and deserve a break as well, it's been rough on all of us. But for me, I am not going to pretend like this hasn't effected me. Luckily July has been rather quiet and seems like everyone is settling down, I've taken some time to relax as well. I moved all unimportant testing to my nights off (and only when I am up for it.) If someone still needs me to test something for them, they can still trust that the tests will be done though. Important tests as of course always going to be done in a timely manor. If you are anyone I work with and this is your first time reading this, you know how to contact me. Also know that I love working anyone I have the pleasure to test a project for and I am willing to help no matter how big or small the project is. I like abusing my stuff, it's a reminder that they belong to me.
The last thing I've been trying to do is cut myself out of the scene drama. I don't care enough to be part of it and I like to refer to myself as a "mercenary." I work with people who send stuff to work with. I don't like to get attached to projects. I do enjoy making friends and I don't mind helping to the best of my ability to do so, but I honestly don't care enough to get involved with stupid shit anymore. Someone talk shit about me behind my back? I don't care, don't send it to me, don't get me involved. If they weren't even brave enough to send me a message over the internet, then I don't care to know them nor do I care to hear what they had said. Someone starting shit? Honestly I've just been reporting these messages if they actually violate the rules. I'm sorry, but it's not my place to deal with people's shit and we have rules for a reason. I just want to be here, make a few friends, help share my knowledge, make some people laugh, you know, be a good member. Sometimes I have bad days, sometimes I struggle, sometimes I even get overwhelmed. I've realized my faults and I've decided to start working on them.
In real life I've actually taken to be a lot more lax on things I didn't normally do. I've taken up offers for VTO at work, this has given me a little more bits of time through out the week to just sit down enjoy some youtube videos or a game. Not having my phone blowing up has allowed me to stop focusing on it so much and it's relaxing actually. It's nice having an actual distance between me and the internet as whole. I've also taken to asking for help when I need it. I know that's an odd one, but I've always been the kind of person who's very hesitant to ask for help, so actually stopping and admitting that I need help is something new for me. It's been something that has actually effected my health both mentally and physically. Now am more comfortable to admit when I am overwhelmed and I am not longer straining myself to overcome my issues. It's small stuff that builds up and that's what kills me really. The little things I am happily fixing because I know it will help me out when I finally start taking on the bigger issues.
So my name has username has actually gone through several changes, "A Gay Little Cat Boy," "The Pink Catboy," "A Gay Little Catboy", "The Catboy," "Crystal the Glaceon," and finally (and hopefully staying,) Lilith Valentine.
The first ones where all my attempts to basically mask both my gender and sexuality because I wasn't comfortable with them. So I overcompensated with the username to leave no questions about my supposed gender/sexuality. The more comfortable with sexuality I became, the more that dropped off it, until it was simply "The Catboy." Then when I accepted both my gender and sexuality it was changed to "Crystal the Glaceon." Which was actually based off a satire character of mine and was suppose to be linked to a facebook page and a Tumblr. Sadly both fell through as I lost interest in them. There's really so much a person can invest in a character. I also didn't like how personal things were getting by including my real name in my account name, but by that point I had already changed my username here on the Temp and was kind of stuck with it.
This year though, it got a to be a bit much for me. I had some troubling years before that I was still recovering from. Having my real name so front and center was just making everything far too personal. So having found a new username, I just waited to see if it would stick. I changed my username on other sites and became to slowly phase out my old handle for a new one. Once I liked what I was seeing, I decided to have it finally changed where it mattered most, which of course is where it actually started.
I never really thought much about how much the username shows about the person. My first ones only showed someone trying to hide and uncomfortable with who they were. It shows that as the years passed, so did my fears. Looking back on it, I can tell just how much I've grown these past seven years. Years that the Temp has recorded for me. It's different looking back and seeing how refrained and afraid I was compared to who I am now.
DON'T UNFOLLOW! DON'T UNFOLLOW! THIS ISN'T A DEPRESSING BLOG THIS TIME! I PROMISE!
Obviously I've been going through some changes of late, but these aren't sudden changes, but they were behind the scene changes. One of the biggest changes (on this site at least) has been from Crystal the Glaceon to Lilith Valentine, to which I am sure many are wondering why? And also why Lilith? Well wonder no more because in this not depressing blog, I will tell you! (please don't unfollow)
So as many have noticed, my screen name is Lilith Valentine now. Why? Well because I've actually been meaning to change my screen name for over a year now, but didn't have anything good to settle on. I didn't want another Pokemon themed one (it was going to be Scarlet the Vulpix,) and I didn't want to go with Miko Bootstraps (my must used D&D character.) So I was left with the desire for change, but not the name. Until of course in January when Lilith Valentine came about from the Temp itself. From there I kind of sat on the idea of changing my name. I didn't know if Lilith would be accepted of if I would keep using her. I mean, she's like my 8 fursona by that point and most of the others didn't have art or were barely ever mentioned. So obviously I didn't want to rush into something and come 6 months down the road and be like, "heck." So I think 6 months of debating and developing a character is a fair amount of time. Coupled with the fact that I started using Lilith Valentine far more than Crystal the Glaceon, until I simply stopped registering under Crystal the Glaceon. Thus by this point it became safe to say, I wasn't going to keep an old name that I wasn't using anymore. Of course I didn't want to make a new account because;
1: Against the rules
2: Everyone would know it was me anyways or start spamming my account thinking I am an art thief .
Neither works out with the Temp. First one gets ya warned/banned and second one is petty drama...that will expose my account and result in it getting warned/banned. Thus I purposed to a name changed and the stars aliened to grant me my wish.
The second reason being that it's a screenname that was created by Tempers, with a character who was developed by Tempers. When I got Lilith as an adoptable back in January, I didn't know what to do with her. So I came up and an idea. I turned her into an experiment where I let the community decide almost everything about her, this community including the Temp and other sites. I let the artists have almost complete creative control over her (only minor details were stressed,) then I left it up to the community to what they enjoyed the most. I also even let the Temp name her
So this was the name picked by other Tempers. So this screenname started on the Temp and has now become a reality on the Temp. That's honestly pretty cool when you think about it.
Now what about the other details? Well @Bubsy Bobcat basically became the "Official" Artist and character design of Lilith. She took hold of Lilith and quickly started making art for her
To which her art has far more views and likes on every site I post on it on. So it became extremely obvious that Bubs was a favorite. Which is interesting because all of the personality she put into her art and behind Liltih was directly inspirited by my real personality. Bubs showed her as this lovable, goofy, slightly prevy, but adorable character. Which actually was really nice to see. Of course there are other artists who had their take on Lilith, but none more than Bub did.
Once again, another Temper behind this screen name. It's become pretty obvious that this experiment/character really became a success with the help of Temp. So it's an honor to use the name and character that my fellow Temper's helped create.
So in my blog entry, Meet Goat! I made mention that I am actually a Luciferian, which of course brought up the question of what I actually believe. So after a few days I've ponder this over, I've decided to make a blog for educational purposes. Just a heads up, I am going to be taking from my comments on that blog because I did put a lot information into those comments. Please, if you don't think you can handle this topic, just be civil. I am perfectly fine with being questioned and even fine with concerns for my "immortal soul." I just ask everyone to be civil.
So I've actually considered making a blog on the topic of my religion ideas for the sake of education. Both educating people on the ideas of The Left Hand Path and to really discuss different believes in a civil and understanding manor. Basically not as a means of trying to convert anyone, but as a means of educating people. Of course the only thing that prevented me from making such a blog are some select members, who I know will only comment on the blog to start a flame war until the whole thing gets shutdown. Which would just ruin the entire point of trying to make a civil educational blog post. It's rather unfortunate really because I think the vast majority of the Temp would actually really enjoy it, but they would also end up fanning the flames instead of just having a civil conversation. The blog section has become rather predicable.
Luciferianism is an Enlightenment driven religion, based on finding enlightenment through the teachings of Lucifer. Luciferianism is a nature driven religion. It's far less about self-worship and more about self-betterment. Luciferianism in most forms still see Lucifer as a figure of enlightenment and a teacher/guide down the Left Hand Path. Seeing him less as the symbol of Human Nature, but as a symbol of knowledge.
As for my actual believes, I am basically just a wanderer of the Left Hand Path. I do believe in a literal Lucifer, but not as a God though, but as a teacher. I see Lucifer as a guiding figure as I wonder my down the path and only there to give small nudges when I need them, but ultimately not some deity who is going to help give me a promotion or something stupid. He is a deity that only pushes for knowledge and self-betterment. My life's goal is progress and knowledge, in an effort to achieve enlightenment. I believe in finding enlightenment through knowledge, nature, and living every single day to the fullest. I believe that human nature should be embraced and not shunned or shamed (so long it's not hurting anyone or an animal and everyone involved is a willing/consenting adult.) I also believe that humans should be free without needless judgement. I don't believe my way is the right way for everyone or that their way is wrong. I simply follow the path that works best for me and has helped guide me this far during my journey in life.
Now of course how does Luciferianism differ from Satanism? While both of them are a lot of similar aspect, both believe in self-worship, both believe in enlightenment through art, nature, and science. That biggest differences being that Luciferianism is more a kin to Buddhism. Striving to find enlightenment through human nature and the teaching of Lucifer. It's more so a nature driven believe structure than it is a self-worshiping structure. Satanism is more closely related to Humanism. It strives more towards the goals of human nature and self-worship, while seeing Satan as an image of human nature.
I practice more along the lines of Luciferianism, but I still keep rules of Satanism as base guidelines. Basically Luciferianism is my religion, Satanism is my philosophy. This is actually one of the interesting aspect of the Left Hand Path, where believes aren't set in stone. The idea of mixing them together is perfectly acceptable and often encouraged. We believe that we wonder our own Path and if we need to make a new path, that's even better.
So what is Goat? Is a question I keep getting asked. While a Goat system is short for "sacrificial goat" which is actually a play on the term, "sacrificial lamb." It's basically an extra system I keep for basically everything that isn't gaming. Goat will be updated to the latest OFW to see if anything breaks, Goat is used for all CFW testing that are sent me, Goat is used to test out every new entrypoint, etc. Goat is basically there to test and die if need be, so long as it keeps my main 3DS safe.
How did I come up with the term "Goat system?" It's actually something I didn't create, but it is some tongue-in-cheek mockery of my believes. First, it's actually a term a found lingering in few programming groups I am part of, although it was only used by a few people and wasn't wide spread. But I also started using it because I thought it was a funny nudge at my Left Hand Path believes. Being the stereotype that Satanists/Luciferians preform "Goat sacrifices." So I thought the idea of a nerdy Luciferian like myself having a video game system as a means of a "goat sacrifice" would actually be pretty funny. So after seeing the name tossed around once or twice, I quickly latched onto it and started using it here and there. Although recently with the banwave happening, I just had to introduce the term to the Temp. Mostly because saying, "Old3DS isn't banned," is just boring, but "Goat isn't banned," adds a lot more character to the report.
This is Goat
To those interested, Goat is always running the latest OFW and is running B9S with a private CFW installed on the CTRNAND. Besides being setup for the Nintendo Ban, it's also being used to test out the latest builds (both public and beta) of ReiNAND (currently.) Every CFW sent to me for testing purposes are tested on Goat before being tested on my main New3DS.
Closest I could get to a Goat theme
I feel like I should make a blog in light of recent events, but I am not a dog. I don't think I am a dog, I am not an "otherkin," and I don't take the furry fandom seriously nor do I give enough of a shit to do so.
That all being said, Lilith Valentine is a character of mine created to have some fun on the forums. I often use this character to give personality to my posts and make them stand out for a number of reasons, most of the time just for fun. I like to make people laugh or even just sit back in confusion. Whatever the effects, it's all meant to be fun and games. That has always been the point of adding a character behind my posts.
Please, don't take me so seriously. I am just trying to enjoy the site and maybe add some more personality to the forums.
Anyone remember my old Oreo DS? Doubt it! It's been like 5 years since that has been a thing! But today I bring you! The reverse-Oreo 3DS! I just swapped the plates of my 3DS with my boyfriend's 3DS.
Warning: Spoilers inside!Warning: Spoilers inside!Warning: Spoilers inside!
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